July 19, 2019
  • 9:21 pm The Bulletin’s Public Records Request Offers Springboard to Launch Gender Equity Discussion at CSUDH
  • 4:27 pm Black is the New Black: Raising the Capital on the “B” Word
  • 10:53 am Guns Up for Arrest: Student advocacy group pushes for CSU No Gun Zones–Including the Police
  • 4:09 pm Staff Editorial: Words on the First
  • 8:42 pm Carson Mayor Blasts Media, Landmark Libel Case in Keynote Address
  • 9:27 am Free Speech Week Calendar of Events Update
  • 6:02 am Food for Thought: 40% of Students are Food Insecure
  • 3:12 pm Academic Senate Rejects CSU GE Task Force & Report
  • 3:06 pm Work To Be Done
  • 5:56 pm ASI Elections: What You Need to Know
  • 8:02 pm CSUDH President Parham Announces Cancer Diagnosis
  • 9:47 am CSUDH Art Professor’s 20-Year Journey Results in First Local Showing of Film
  • 9:13 pm Free Speech or Free Hate area?
  • 9:08 pm CSUDH’s Best & Brightest Shine at Student Research Day
  • 9:05 pm Academic Senate Approves Gender Equity Task Force
  • 12:37 pm When Dr. Davis speaks, Toros Pay Close Attention
  • 3:38 pm Investing in the Future: Dr. Thomas A. Parham Reflects on the Past Eight Months and Contemplates​ the University’s Future
  • 3:24 pm Green Olive to Open By End of Feb; Starbucks Not Until Fall
  • 3:20 pm Gov. Newsom’s Proposed Budget Hailed for Extensive Funding Increases
  • 3:08 pm Out of the Classroom: Labor and Community Organizing Course Aims to Teach Students How to Organize for Social Justice
  • 2:54 pm The Other Route in Professional Sports
  • 9:02 am Hail to the New Chief, CSUDH President Thomas Parham
  • 3:36 pm Career Center Holds Major/Minor Fair
  • 5:34 pm After Unexpected Delay, Undocumented Becomes More Intimate Theatrical Production
  • 1:30 pm What to Expect When You’re Expecting New Buildings
  • 8:37 am University Police Investigating Possible Hate Symbol Found on Campus
  • 12:31 pm FOR JAMI
  • 12:30 pm Tenure on Track?
  • 12:27 pm MBA In Limbo

By Elizabeth Guillen
Staff Writer

My dad was brought to this country against his will when he was only 10 years old.  As a result, he has never let go of the “machista” (male-centered) ideologies that most Mexicans believe in. So, you could just imagine how he felt when he found out that his eldest daughter was pregnant and was not getting married.

My dad always bragged about how he married my mom when she was a virgin and, obviously, did not have children until after their marriage. He expected the same for me.

I was a month away from turning 21 and was preparing my speech that I was going to give my then boyfriend about how we wanted different things. That did not go as planned because two weeks before I talked to him I found out I was pregnant.

My dad was not happy at all when we told him.

“You better marry her,” he told my son’s father. “It’s the right thing to do.”

So he proposed, and, as expected, I reluctantly said yes. In a sense, my dad forced me to stay with a man I could no longer stand. Otherwise, my dad would have disowned me.

If my dad’s reaction wasn’t bad enough, now I had to stay with this guy that I wanted nothing to do with.

I knew I wasn’t alone. According to a 2004 study conducted by Kelly Raley, T. Elizabeth Burden and Elizabeth Wildsmith for the Southwestern Social Science Association,

“Mexican Americans are most likely than Anglos to conceive a child premaritally and this is an additional factor that promotes early marriage.”

This was non-negotiable for my dad. I had to get married. I was miserable but that didn’t matter, I was doing the “right” thing.

For a year I was a single parent even though technically I was engaged and lived with my son’s father. He did not help me at all, emotionally or financially.

I got tired of it and broke the engagement.

I co-parent my 2-year-old with my ex. I am busy 24/7 and am tired ALL the time. But, I wouldn’t change any of it because I’m happy.

To this day my dad reminds me of my failed “marriage” even though I never married my ex.

“No aguantaste (you couldn’t handle it),” he tells me now and then.

But my child isn’t the only one with a non-traditional family.  According to a 2014 report by the Pew Research Center, “Fewer than half (46%) of U.S. kids younger than 18 years of age are living in a home with two married heterosexual parents in their first marriage.”

I tried explaining this to my dad, but he didn’t care.

My son, at this point in my life, is the man in my life. He wasn’t part of my plan, but has become the reason for all the decisions that I make.



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