By: Angelica Cheyenne and Patricia Franklin
Welcome to Sexperts, a new column in the Bulletin this semester written by two 20something women, one single, the other married, where we answer any and all questions that you may have about that word that everyone thinks about, but few people talk about—at least in public. If you have any questions about S-E-X, whether it’s the physical act, how to avoid sexually transmitted diseases, gender identity or anything else, please email us at TheBulletinSexperts@gmail.com.
Disclaimer: Please remember that, even though the name of the column playfully alludes to it, we are NOT Sex Experts and NOT sexual Therapists, psychologists, or health professionals. We offer researched responses and give honest, thought-out opinions regarding the topic of sex from the perspective of a peer. If you have advanced questions that require an expert’s opinion, please visit the Women Resource Center in Small College Complex 148, or the Student Health Center, located between Welch Hall and the University Theater.
And since this is our debut column, we didn’t have any questions to respond to, so we asked a few of our fellow students about an issue that often seems to be at the forefront of many a man’s mind (and other parts)….
I can last all night. A common lie told by men when referring to how long a guy can last in bed. In a society where a woman’s worth is all-too-often centered around her chastity and a man’s worth is centered around their sexual conquest and performance, it’s no shock that men are sensitive about their sex timeframe.
Although men idealize how they’ll perform in bed, seldom are those who deliver beyond 5.4 minutes, according to the US National Institutes of Health’s 2005 multinational population survey of intervaginal ejaculation latency time.
But, still, rather than focusing on quality, many men often equate longer stamina with better sex. Ironically, sometimes the time lasted is not for the woman’s pleasure, but more so for bragging rights amongst fellow brethren.
“In my experience with guys I’ve dated, they were all concerned with how long they lasted,” said A.B. “They went back to tell their friends.”
Partially, the male ego thrives off the thought that they provided mind blowing, long lasting, satisfying sex. But are they really more concerned with using it as a barometer when comparing their sex lives to their friends’?
“Men are concerned because it’s an ego trip,” said E.C. “The longer the guy lasts, the better or higher his ego.”
Although men differ from women when it comes their sexual expectations, this column isn’t going to stereotype all males as being egotistical sex robots whose main goal is to keep banging it like the Energizer Bunny. There are some men, especially more inexperienced men, who get nervous when having to perform under pressure.
“I don’t remember the specifics,” said Sebastian. “I was blushing bright red and I wasn’t sure if that was how it was supposed to go. I probably [didn’t] last long.”
Although time waits for no man, time seems to ignite anxiety for some men when it comes to bedroom activities.
It’s healthy to focus on bringing your A-game to the bedroom; however, if you find yourself obsessing over it to the point where your soldier won’t stand, then you may be suffering from sexual performance anxiety.
Symptoms can include delayed or blocked ejaculation, premature ejaculation, and overall loss of sexual interest, according to the Healthline website., www.healthline.com
If you thought being within the multinational average ballpark of 5.4 minutes is bad, try being one of the unlucky ones who ejaculate under two minutes. Not only is it a ball buster, no pun intended, but also a regrettable experience for any woman who has been on the receiving end of a “one-minute man.”
“I dated a guy who was literally a “one-minute man,’” said A.B. “I dumped him because I never climaxed.”
Luckily being a “one-minute” man isn’t a mandatory sentence and is avoidable as long as the pleasurable experience at hand is the main focus.
So, everyone please remember, how long it lasts the first time, or any other time, is secondary compared to treating your partner with respect by having safe sex and open communication.
Moments will always fade away, but the union between two people during lovemaking is priceless.
That’s it for the first column. Please send your questions to TheBulletinSexperts@gmail.com. And remember: NO MEANS NO and TO ALWAYS PUT A HAT ON YOUR JIMMY AND ONE SIZE DON’T FIT ALL.