By Skyler Belmonte | Staff Reporter
When you think about the word love, what is the first thought that comes to mind? Are you a hopeless romantic who fantasizes about love at first sight? Or are you patient and ponder on the idea that love is something that grows over time? I often wonder how men define love and how their definition differs from mine.
To feed my curiosity, I conducted a small survey where I asked 22 men all over the ages of 21, 11 from California State University, Dominguez Hills and 11 from nearby cities, what their definition of love is, if they have ever been in love and if they have ever cheated on the person they are in love with. Their responses to their definition of love were very interesting and contradictory to the results of disloyalty.
The polls revealed 20 out of the 22 men have been in love before and 19 out of the 22 cheated on the person they claimed to be in love with. Did your eyes pop out of your head when reading that statistic? Are you currently staring at your boyfriend and wondering if he was one of the gentlemen who participated in the survey? If so, you have my permission to send him to the couch tonight – just to play it safe.
20 men confidently said they have been in love before. Yet, the majority of them were disloyal during the relationship. When asked what led to the cheating, the most common responses were, “I got bored.” Or, “I was drunk.” Major eye roll, right?
My anxiety soars with the thought of sleeping next to someone for years and them waking up one day wanting someone else. Or how painful it must feel to be betrayed because the person you love was bored or had one too many shots of tequila. When a man chooses to give someone else what is supposed to be for me and only me, the value of what we had is gone.
There is hope, ladies – although the number is very, very limited. Three out of the 22 men claimed they have never been disloyal to the person they were in love with. In other words, we are all doomed, kind of. Here is how the three men who have been in love before and who have never cheated on the person they were in love with, define love:
CSUDH student Alex Martinez said, “Love is trusting a person to never hurt or betray you, because hurting you, would hurt them.”
CSUDH student Andres Nieva Ramirez said, “Love is a feeling when you can truly be yourself without being judged for being happy.”
Carson local Michael Anderson said, “Love is when she accepts you for being the nerdy, messy gamer that nobody ever wanted, and she never tries to change you.”
It was refreshing to discover that the three men who claimed to be loyal had similar definitions of love as me. I noticed from the men who were disloyal in their relationships that their definitions were very self-centered and they each revolved around taking more than ever giving, which are major red flags.
When I think about what love means, the word “home” flutters into my mind. A person whose arms can make me feel like danger is nonexistent and I am safest when I am in their embrace. I was influenced by my father ‘s definition of love, “Estar cerca de la persona que amas, cuidarla y respetarla.” (To be close to the person you love, to take care of her and respect her.)
While most of the men in this survey showed that they had not been loyal in their relationships, it should not discount the ones that were. There are good men still out there who know what it means to be in a truly loving relationship. It was a small survey ladies, there is still hope! They are out there somewhere, you just have to find them.