By Ulises Rodriguez, Staff Reporter
As the toilet paper apocalypse started back in mid-March, everyone was fighting over hand sanitizer, toilet paper, and water bottles. Now the thing that stood out to me the most was how everyone was leaving only one brand of water on the shelves. Yup, Dasani.
Is Dasani that bad? Would anyone rather take their chances of contracting COVID-19 than to drink Dasani? Water is water, right? Well, I guess I was wrong about this.
It wasn’t until I saw YouTube personality Shane Dawson’s video explaining the whole theory behind Dasani. Yeah, there is a fucking conspiracy theory behind water, don’t worry it doesn’t involve anal probing or being hypnotized to do weird things.
So the theory is that Dasani has been making their water with chemicals that are known to be used for inmates on death row, and salt. Now, why would Dasani add that to their water?
Well in a way the salt makes sense, since Dasani does make you want to drink more water strangely, but the death row chemicals? Really? Another thing that Dawson points out is the strange coincidence that Dasani has a similar fizz that soft drinks usually have when you open the bottle.
Now could Coca-Cola, the company that owns Dasani, be adding these items to their water on purpose to keep people thirsty and have them continue to buy water to quench an unquenchable thirst?
I’m not going to lie, that is a smart tactic to use if you are in the water game. Just like companies keep people wanting candy or food. Now if you want to dive into the theory, and if you pay close attention to a Dasani water bottle and any other water bottle you will notice it has a hazy look to it. Normally water is crystal clear, but Dasani is something special.
In a press release statement, Coca-Cola discussed their Dasani product:
“We require strict adherence to all applicable regulations as well as to our own set of safety and quality requirements. As a result, we produce some of the safest and highest-quality products in the world.”
Now to me, that sounds like a standard statement that all companies release when they don’t want to lose money in the company. I have a feeling though that they will release some new slogan saying they have a new Dasani water that is super purified to avoid people looking more into it.
Well, let me tell y’all something, if I’m going to die from drinking too much of a Coca-Cola product, I rather have on my grave that I died from Coke than water.
In all honesty, I’ll stick to Aquafina, because just the way it sounds is a turn on. Also, it is the only water bottle that I can find the easiest and fastest in the store. I don’t have time to be waiting in a long line for just a water bottle.