September 28, 2023
  • 12:08 pm Fall Convocation 2022: “The State of this University is Strong”
  • 9:37 pm Ogrin Brings the Thunder in Toros 12-3 rout; team plays for playoff championship tomorrow
  • 7:00 am Outstanding Professor Award Recipient’s Mic Drop Moment at Last Month’s Virtual Ceremony
  • 9:10 am Bookworms of the World Unite!
  • 7:46 pm Breaking News: All Students Living in Campus Housing Required to Receive COVID-19 Vaccine
  • 9:00 am CSUDH Esports Creates International Competition
  • 9:35 am Spring Commencement Ceremonies Get Brighter
  • 3:46 pm Breaking News: Spring Commencement Ceremonies Recieve Stadium Upgrade
  • 8:00 am Testing the Teachers (and All the Educators)
  • 9:30 am CSUDH Educators and School Employees, Vaccinated Next
  • 10:30 am For White People Only: Anti-Racism Workshop Addresses Racial Bias and Unity
  • 2:43 pm Greatness Personified: Remembering Kobe Bryant
  • 10:02 am Straight Down the Chimney and Into Your (Digital) Hands: Special Holiday Edition of The Bulletin!
  • 2:44 pm Did You Wake up Looking this Beautiful?
  • 11:43 am A Long History for University’s Newest Major
  • 5:15 pm Issue 5 of Bulletin Live! Collector’s Item! Worth its Weight in Digital Paper!
  • 4:06 pm Special Election Issue
  • 4:03 pm Three best Latinx Halloween & Horror Short Films available now on HBO Max
  • 9:49 am Issue 3 of CSUDH Bulletin Live if You Want It
  • 3:24 pm Hispanic Heritage Month Update
  • 2:00 pm South Bay Economic Forecast Goes Virtual
  • 3:52 pm BREAKING NEWS: Classes for Spring to be Online, CSU Chancellor Announces
  • 9:39 am “Strikes” and Solidarity
  • 8:30 am March Into History: Just 5 in 1970, CSUDH Growth Shaped by Historic Event
  • 8:30 am Will the Bulletin Make Today Tomorrow?
  • 9:04 am Different Neighborhoods Warrant Rubber Bullets or Traffic Control For Protesters
  • 5:07 pm STAFF EDITORIAL: Even Socially Distant, We All Have to Work Together
  • 5:47 pm Transcript of CSUDH President Parham’s Coronavirus Announcement
  • 10:46 am Cal State Long Beach Suspends Face-to-Face Classes; CSUDH Discussing Contingency Plans
  • 5:26 pm Things Black People Should be Able to Get Away with This Month
  • 10:25 am Latinx Students Need a Place to Call Home
  • 2:35 pm Will Time Run Out Before Funds for PEGS? [UPDATED]
  • 8:41 am Year of the Rat? What’s That?
  • 6:20 am Artist Who Gave Life to Death and Inspired Countless Others Gets His Due at Dominguez Hills
  • 5:16 pm Why I’m Rooting for Dr. Cornel West
  • 5:00 pm Under Fire from the Feds, Vaping’s Future is Cloudy
  • 3:28 pm We’re Going to Need a Bigger Boat; Tsunami 3.0 Hits Campus, Enrollment Swells
  • 4:48 pm University Weathering a Wave of New Students
  • 9:21 pm The Bulletin’s Public Records Request Offers Springboard to Launch Gender Equity Discussion at CSUDH
  • 4:27 pm Black is the New Black: Raising the Capital on the “B” Word
  • 10:53 am Guns Up for Arrest: Student advocacy group pushes for CSU No Gun Zones–Including the Police
  • 4:09 pm Staff Editorial: Words on the First
  • 8:42 pm Carson Mayor Blasts Media, Landmark Libel Case in Keynote Address
  • 9:27 am Free Speech Week Calendar of Events Update
  • 6:02 am Food for Thought: 40% of Students are Food Insecure
  • 3:12 pm Academic Senate Rejects CSU GE Task Force & Report
  • 3:06 pm Work To Be Done
  • 5:56 pm ASI Elections: What You Need to Know
  • 8:02 pm CSUDH President Parham Announces Cancer Diagnosis
  • 9:47 am CSUDH Art Professor’s 20-Year Journey Results in First Local Showing of Film
  • 9:13 pm Free Speech or Free Hate area?
  • 9:08 pm CSUDH’s Best & Brightest Shine at Student Research Day
  • 9:05 pm Academic Senate Approves Gender Equity Task Force
  • 12:37 pm When Dr. Davis speaks, Toros Pay Close Attention
  • 3:38 pm Investing in the Future: Dr. Thomas A. Parham Reflects on the Past Eight Months and Contemplates​ the University’s Future
  • 3:24 pm Green Olive to Open By End of Feb; Starbucks Not Until Fall
  • 3:20 pm Gov. Newsom’s Proposed Budget Hailed for Extensive Funding Increases
  • 3:08 pm Out of the Classroom: Labor and Community Organizing Course Aims to Teach Students How to Organize for Social Justice
  • 2:54 pm The Other Route in Professional Sports
  • 9:02 am Hail to the New Chief, CSUDH President Thomas Parham
  • 3:36 pm Career Center Holds Major/Minor Fair
  • 5:34 pm After Unexpected Delay, Undocumented Becomes More Intimate Theatrical Production
  • 1:30 pm What to Expect When You’re Expecting New Buildings
  • 6:30 pm September Events For Suicide Prevention Month
  • 6:30 pm Higher Parking Fees Squeeze Toros
  • 6:25 pm Study Abroad Opportunities Abound
  • 7:49 pm CSUDH offers qualified students free laptops
  • 1:17 pm Peaches, Peaches, Peaches

Name tags are a way to identify bodies, but they don’t always represent what’s within. Photo by Carlos Martinez.

By Carlos Martinez, Web Editor

It was a cold, dark afternoon when I walked through the security checkpoint at my job with my knapsack stuffed with textbooks and a plastic bag full of leftovers from the night before.

All of my coworkers at my location were grouped together, trying to find answers to the announcement a few hours before with concern. My managers, with calm and firm demeanors, reinstated the announcement as they called leaders, trainers, and myself over to relay the plans for the next 48 hours. 

“Think of it as a break before the food and wine,” one of my managers said. “After two weeks, we’ll be back on track and busier than ever.”

On March 14 2020, Disneyland and Disney California Adventure closed their parks in response to the Covid-19 pandemic. 

With a schedule that consisted of changing into my costume in the LSU bathrooms in between classes, studying for exams while training new hires at my restaurant, days where I napped in my car on campus; I was excited to finally take some time off for myself. I quickly realized that there wasn’t much of “myself” to begin with.

For the past five years, my entire life focused on working hard at my job and finishing school. Spending typically 19 hours at school and work a day, I was rarely home or spent much time with friends and family. I wanted to dedicate as much time as possible to finish school right and earn enough money without student loans.

As one week became two and so forth, a vile emptiness began to manifest inside of me. My nights grew restless, my anxiety attacks began to boil inside me, and I felt like a blank slate whenever I looked at myself in the mirror. 

In a socially distant world where I’m furloughed from Disney and learning remotely, I felt vulnerable in my own home. I didn’t spend a lot of time with my family, except for the holidays that I got off from work, and never really had the opportunity to have conversations longer than five minutes. 

In short, I was a stray cat that only interacted for food and shelter.

In the beginning of the pandemic, I quickly realized how disconnected I was from myself. I couldn’t remember my hobbies, my favorite outfit, or my go-to person for chisme or nerding out. 

The pandemic wrecked my mind as I tried to get used to the new normal. As my anxiety continued to dominate me, I was pushed to reach out to my support system to seek help for my mental health. 

I was able to rekindle relationships with friends and family through hour-long conversations of just speaking our minds, learning more about each other in the process. With impromptu therapy sessions, I was able to rediscover my love to sketch while appreciating the little things I see every day. 

As the one-year anniversary of the pandemic approaches, my crippling anxiety has waned as I no longer take my family, friends and self for granted. 

With Bob Chapek, Disneyland CEO, announcing the planned reopening for late April, I feel relieved there’s some level of normalcy returning in my life. At the same time, I also feel conflicted about diving headfirst as if the turmoil never happened.  I was blinded by my obsession to succeed in my job and my academics, that I almost lost sight of my identity.

As I wait for The Mouse to call me back to the happiest place on Earth, I am motivated to put myself first this time around. That way I can look at myself in the mirror and know that I exist.


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