September 23, 2022
  • 12:08 pm Fall Convocation 2022: “The State of this University is Strong”
  • 9:37 pm Ogrin Brings the Thunder in Toros 12-3 rout; team plays for playoff championship tomorrow
  • 7:00 am Outstanding Professor Award Recipient’s Mic Drop Moment at Last Month’s Virtual Ceremony
  • 9:10 am Bookworms of the World Unite!
  • 7:46 pm Breaking News: All Students Living in Campus Housing Required to Receive COVID-19 Vaccine
  • 9:00 am CSUDH Esports Creates International Competition
  • 9:35 am Spring Commencement Ceremonies Get Brighter
  • 3:46 pm Breaking News: Spring Commencement Ceremonies Recieve Stadium Upgrade
  • 8:00 am Testing the Teachers (and All the Educators)
  • 9:30 am CSUDH Educators and School Employees, Vaccinated Next
  • 10:30 am For White People Only: Anti-Racism Workshop Addresses Racial Bias and Unity
  • 2:43 pm Greatness Personified: Remembering Kobe Bryant
  • 10:02 am Straight Down the Chimney and Into Your (Digital) Hands: Special Holiday Edition of The Bulletin!
  • 2:44 pm Did You Wake up Looking this Beautiful?
  • 11:43 am A Long History for University’s Newest Major
  • 5:15 pm Issue 5 of Bulletin Live! Collector’s Item! Worth its Weight in Digital Paper!
  • 4:06 pm Special Election Issue
  • 4:03 pm Three best Latinx Halloween & Horror Short Films available now on HBO Max
  • 9:49 am Issue 3 of CSUDH Bulletin Live if You Want It
  • 3:24 pm Hispanic Heritage Month Update
  • 2:00 pm South Bay Economic Forecast Goes Virtual
  • 3:52 pm BREAKING NEWS: Classes for Spring to be Online, CSU Chancellor Announces
  • 9:39 am “Strikes” and Solidarity
  • 8:30 am March Into History: Just 5 in 1970, CSUDH Growth Shaped by Historic Event
  • 8:30 am Will the Bulletin Make Today Tomorrow?
  • 9:04 am Different Neighborhoods Warrant Rubber Bullets or Traffic Control For Protesters
  • 5:07 pm STAFF EDITORIAL: Even Socially Distant, We All Have to Work Together
  • 5:47 pm Transcript of CSUDH President Parham’s Coronavirus Announcement
  • 10:46 am Cal State Long Beach Suspends Face-to-Face Classes; CSUDH Discussing Contingency Plans
  • 5:26 pm Things Black People Should be Able to Get Away with This Month
  • 10:25 am Latinx Students Need a Place to Call Home
  • 2:35 pm Will Time Run Out Before Funds for PEGS? [UPDATED]
  • 8:41 am Year of the Rat? What’s That?
  • 6:20 am Artist Who Gave Life to Death and Inspired Countless Others Gets His Due at Dominguez Hills
  • 5:16 pm Why I’m Rooting for Dr. Cornel West
  • 5:00 pm Under Fire from the Feds, Vaping’s Future is Cloudy
  • 3:28 pm We’re Going to Need a Bigger Boat; Tsunami 3.0 Hits Campus, Enrollment Swells
  • 1:22 pm THE FIRST ISSUE OF THE BULLETIN IS HERE
  • 4:48 pm University Weathering a Wave of New Students
  • 9:21 pm The Bulletin’s Public Records Request Offers Springboard to Launch Gender Equity Discussion at CSUDH
  • 4:27 pm Black is the New Black: Raising the Capital on the “B” Word
  • 10:53 am Guns Up for Arrest: Student advocacy group pushes for CSU No Gun Zones–Including the Police
  • 4:09 pm Staff Editorial: Words on the First
  • 8:42 pm Carson Mayor Blasts Media, Landmark Libel Case in Keynote Address
  • 9:27 am Free Speech Week Calendar of Events Update
  • 6:02 am Food for Thought: 40% of Students are Food Insecure
  • 3:12 pm Academic Senate Rejects CSU GE Task Force & Report
  • 3:06 pm Work To Be Done
  • 5:56 pm ASI Elections: What You Need to Know
  • 8:02 pm CSUDH President Parham Announces Cancer Diagnosis
  • 9:47 am CSUDH Art Professor’s 20-Year Journey Results in First Local Showing of Film
  • 9:13 pm Free Speech or Free Hate area?
  • 9:08 pm CSUDH’s Best & Brightest Shine at Student Research Day
  • 9:05 pm Academic Senate Approves Gender Equity Task Force
  • 12:37 pm When Dr. Davis speaks, Toros Pay Close Attention
  • 3:38 pm Investing in the Future: Dr. Thomas A. Parham Reflects on the Past Eight Months and Contemplates​ the University’s Future
  • 3:24 pm Green Olive to Open By End of Feb; Starbucks Not Until Fall
  • 3:20 pm Gov. Newsom’s Proposed Budget Hailed for Extensive Funding Increases
  • 3:08 pm Out of the Classroom: Labor and Community Organizing Course Aims to Teach Students How to Organize for Social Justice
  • 2:54 pm The Other Route in Professional Sports
  • 9:02 am Hail to the New Chief, CSUDH President Thomas Parham
  • 3:36 pm Career Center Holds Major/Minor Fair
  • 5:34 pm After Unexpected Delay, Undocumented Becomes More Intimate Theatrical Production
  • 1:30 pm What to Expect When You’re Expecting New Buildings
  • 12:02 pm AAPI Students Protest During Fall Convocation
  • 11:00 am Notes from the Bullpen: Women’s Soccer
  • 6:48 pm First issue of Bulletin, Fall 2022
  • 7:54 pm Staff Editorial

Holding my mother’s hand while in the hospital on July 15, 2021. Photo courtesy of Annais Garcia.

By Annais Garcia, Staff Reporter.

I never thought I could hold the amount of emotions that have come along after losing my mother to pancreatic cancer, while also being a few weeks away from graduating from California State University, Dominguez Hills. In the last few months, I have been holding the feeling of grief, while at the same time feeling happy, as I will finally complete my higher education journey this year. 

I have learned that grief comes in waves. There are days when my mind is focused and I can smile at the world, but there are other days when my heart feels heavy and I am not even able to leave the darkness of my room. 

Everyone reacts differently to death and it might take months or a year to come to terms with a loss.

Lately, I’ve been aware that I can’t run away from my emotions and that I need to embrace each of them as they come. From one side I feel the excitement of graduating and on the other side, I feel the sadness of not having my mother.

Just a year ago, my mother and I were having breakfast together in my apartment and talking about my graduation. We were both planning to celebrate it with Mariachi music and with many guests. Our plans changed, when on June 25th, just a month after that conversation, she was diagnosed with stage three pancreatic cancer. The doctors didn’t give us much hope after finding out how fast the cancer was spreading in my mother’s body.

My mother decided to take chemotherapy but since her cancer reached stage four it would only prolong her inevitability. She then decided to choose hospice, a type of care that is meant for terminally ill patients.    

It has been 8 months since the death of my mother, but her memory will be with me forever.

In my mind, I was not ready to see myself walking to the stage knowing that my mom was not going to be at my commencement ceremony, but at the same time, I knew that she was ready to leave this world. 

Seven weeks after her diagnosis my mother passed away on August 19 at 4:45 a.m. while I was falling asleep next to her. Moments before her death I told her that I was going to be fine, that she could leave whenever she felt ready.

That morning my family and I lost one of the most important members of our family. Ever since then our lives haven’t been the same. 

It all happened so fast, just four days after my mother’s death, I was getting ready to start a new semester that would take me closer to my dream career in journalism. The different emotions would take me by surprise and even sometimes I felt confused about what was happening in my life.

This January, when I finally started my last semester of my academic career, I knew that the experience of being on campus would help me with my grief. Focusing on my goal of earning my bachelor’s degree this year has kept me motivated, but there are still moments when I realize that my mother is no longer here to participate in my achievements, and those emotions negatively affect my ability to enjoy my final semester. 

One of the best things that have happened to me this semester is being part of The Bulletin, the campus newspaper. To meet many other students whose goals are similar to mine, to work on writing stories that allow me to investigate, and getting published so other people can have the opportunity to read those stories, has been an amazing and rewarding experience. 

On the other hand, every time one of my stories is published, I instantly want to share them with my mother. I want to see her reaction and I wish I could tell her how excited and happy I feel. I take my phone and as soon as I try to call her I realize I can’t longer hear her voice telling me that she feels proud of me, or paying attention to my stories while I explain to her why I decided to write about that specific issue. It’s a bittersweet feeling.

One part of me knows that wherever she is, my mother feels proud of seeing how far I have come, and how hard I’m working toward my dreams. Before dying, she made me promise her that her death was not going to affect my career. There is also another part of me that wants to see her there with the rest of my family waiting for me after my commencement ceremony, to give me a hug and to share my happiness. 

During these months I have realized that there are three things that have helped me in my grief process. These things are therapy, exercise, and family. 

Through this time I have learned that life is not black or white, that it has many colors, and that it’s possible to feel happiness while grieving. Finally, I conclude that happiness is an attitude you can have towards life and that it can coexist with many other different emotions. Anybody can be resilient even in the darkest or brightest moments. Today, to graduate feels like I’m honoring her memory. 

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