Chloe Decker is worried about her mans Lucifer Morningstar, and I’m ready to wage war with Netflix. Photo by Destiny Jackson.

By Destiny Jackson, Perspectives Editor

The smart-asses chaotic creatives over at Netflix headquarters in Los Angeles decided to cause quite the stir on Thanksgiving with a cheeky Chloe Decker fan cam disguised as a season 5B teaser trailer. What started out as an afternoon of stuffing our faces with turkey, giving thanks to the last remaining shred of happiness that we have in 2020, soon descended into chaos for lucifans everywhere. 49 seconds of chaos to be exact. We just wanted to have a peaceful and safe, socially distanced Thanksgiving and watch a fan cam about our favorite female detective on Netflix’s “Lucifer,” but instead all we got was betrayal in the last 7 seconds. 

“Have you seen Lucifer?” says a disoriented, sad and alone detective Chloe Decker. 

“Now, wait a damn minute,” I said to myself. And then addressing Chloe herself, I said. “ Girl, what do you mean have we/they/I seen Lucifer? If you haven’t seen him, we sure as HELL haven’t seen him.” Matter of fact, the last time we saw him, he was right near HER  in the vicinity of the precinct. And now SHE, no, Netflix, no the writers of “Lucifer” have the audacity to be silent for four months about the upcoming second part of season 5B, only to show up on Thanksgiving with this? 

Not on my watch. I’m going to immediately push legislation for a Devil Alert, if Netflix doesn’t put out another trailer before Christmas since they disrespected the fan base. As if we didn’t have enough to worry about in 2020, now one of  Netflix’s most popular characters and the internet’s boyfriend Lucifer Morningstar has gone missing. 

In the season 5A cliffhanger, we saw Chloe literally frozen in time as she was left in the LAPD evidence room,  Lucifer and Amenadiel teaming up in order to fight their conniving and manipulative brother (twin to Lucifer), Michael and Lucifer’s ex-henchwoman Maze. In the midst of the battle, as if things couldn’t get more dramatic, the first part of the season ends with the arrival of God (Dennis Haybert) which stops everyone in their tracks as the screen fades to black. 

OK, to be fair,  if I were to think logically about the next part of the season 5B opener, it would most likely be that Lucifer, Amenadiel, Michael, Maze and God all just snapped somewhere safe and sound to duke out the family drama on a nearby rooftop away from the humans. But, I’m not fair, and my thinking is unhinged along with the rest of the fandom. So until Netflix announces the release date for the new season, I have nothing but time to guess where Lucifer Morningstar has disappeared to. (Shoutout to my twitter girls @girlureakoffear and @lucemaze, who helped me come up with this list.)

Missing Morningstar and Where to Find him: 

Lux Penthouse 

This is probably the most logical answer. After God comes to stop his children from fighting, the only natural step is for Lucifer to spare his girlfriend any more drama and destruction at her workplace. Here’s to hoping that they are just having a very calm, very rational conversation at  Lucifer’s Penthouse and not at all continuing the fight or destroying that beautiful grand piano. I swear to Dad if there is so much as a scratch on that piano this season…leave it alone! It’s been harmed way too many times in this show. 

Hell (again?) 

It wouldn’t be the first time. After all, Lucifer has been to hell and back twice for Chloe, and I mean he is the king of hell. So why wouldn’t he zap them all back to his home away from earth? That way if something does go down, at least it won’t affect the humans. Or at least his special human.  

Dan’s House

I mean, Dan is dead.  So his house is up for grabs… 

OK, FINE. Dan isn’t dead (I want him to be), and his house probably won’t be used for the celestial misfits breaking bread.  Lucifer is working on sweet revenge for Dan after he tried to shoot and kill him in the second to last episode of the season, but I don’t think this would be the way he would do it. However, imagine if Lucifer brought everyone to fight at Dan’s apartment and wreck it in the process? Could be funny. 

My House

Hate to break it to the fans. This is exactly where he is. I’ve been asking him to leave. You have a girlfriend, Chloe Decker, remember? Not that I’m complaining, I just don’t think it would work out between us. After all, I’m a huge Coldplay fan and you dissed them pretty hard in Season 3.

Long Beach

This city is used primarily for beach shots and for when Lucifer wants to burn his wings, find redemption, or ask Chloe to forgive him like in season 5A’s  “Detective Amenadiel.” It would make sense for Lucifer or God to pop them all down on the beach where Lucifer has had many a frustration and heated conversation to the sky in anger towards his all-seeing father. 

Chloe’s mysterious Los Angeles apartment that’s definitely a house, but that’s ok I’ll believe it anyway 

I have a bone to pick, hear me out though. As a resident of the Los Angeles area, let me tell you. Chloe lives in a house. I think the show wants us to believe she lives in an apartment in Venice Beach. But to anyone that knows Venice Beach, and property values in that area, her bungalow styled apartment is a house for sure. That aside though, Chloe stormed off in season 5A’s “Lucifer, Lucifer, Lucifer” nowhere near her backdoor (what is a backdoor doing in an apartment, girl? And it leads to the beach? Ok.) and she simply disappeared, Lucifer left after their confrontation, and his evil twin Michael somehow snuck in unnoticed. Chloe’s apartment is magic. The only explanation I have is she pulled a Blue Skidoo into the sink, Lucifer went out the door like a normal person, and Michael must have been hiding in the dishwasher only to appear when the coast was clear. Anyway, Lucifer could have gone to Chloe’s to have a chat with the family, but I doubt it. 

Netflix Headquarters

Last but not least. This is where he is meta-hiding in the minds of all the executives who are currently going over the season in post-production. He better be here safe and sound because he shouldn’t be missing in the first place. Those punks at Netflix are just giving us a case of BlueBallz, or DevilBallz as it were— until they give us that new release date.