Newsroom leadership experience makes thinking about the future far less frightening.
Never in my wildest dreams did I think my nervous, shy, and anxious self would become the executive editor of a university newspaper. I went from experiencing all the tears and anxiety attacks after coming home from classes I despised to spending long afternoons with the newspaper as a reporter. Over time, I finally began enjoying it and became a leader and an example others could follow. I’ve come a long way.
For the longest time, I truly struggled with the idea of a potential career in journalism. Nothing seemed to motivate me or spark any passion for something I had no interest in pursuing. But why was I still putting myself through it? To be very frank, I still don’t know.
I think I held out hope for something that would influence me to continue in the field, as there were some aspects, like photojournalism, that I enjoyed. But the classes and professors in my first years at CSUDH were not enough to shift my mindset. That changed when I took a newspaper class.
When I first took the Bulletin in the Spring semester of 2025, I was scared out of my mind. I never thought it was a place where I belonged. Others seemed to know what they were doing, and I felt as though I had been suddenly dropped into deep water and expected to fend for myself. I didn’t feel prepared to take on an environment that I found intimidating.
I later found out that it was only as scary as I had made it out to be. My professor reassured me that I was completely capable of working in this newsroom. He made me realize that my voice deserved to be heard and that mistakes were okay.
I’ve struggled with anxiety for as long as I can remember. I’ve always felt the pressure to be perfect in every area of my life, including my writing. Walking into the newsroom, that pressure grew to an extreme. Every interview felt like a test, and every story felt like it had to be flawless. I was terrified of being wrong or sounding unqualified.
But over time, and with support, I’ve learned that perfection is impossible. I began to accept that mistakes are part of the process, not proof that I don’t belong. That shift didn’t erase my anxiety, but I’ve learned to work with it rather than let it control me.
My first ever article in the newspaper was about the theatre production “Day of Absence.” I was so nervous to talk to people, scared to have something out in the world with my name and face on it. But it became one of my favorite articles I have written. I grew up loving the arts and music, so features in that genre quickly became my favorite articles to write.
Even my family would agree that the newspaper has changed me for the better. I have learned to manage my anxiety, and I have grown more confident in my journalistic abilities—something I never thought would happen.
I was never one to start a conversation with somebody just for the heck of it. I usually did what I had to do and moved on when socializing with people who weren’t in my circle. But I shocked my mom when I took her to Disneyland and ended up having a full-on conversation with one of the workers at a shop.
She later told my sister that she was proud of me for coming so far, because there was significant growth in my people skills and in my confidence. That, I’ll never forget, because it was the moment I realized I had grown so much more than I thought.
That was the moment I decided to take on the newspaper again, which led me to my executive editor role this fall semester—something freshman-year me never thought she would do. But it was a risk that I don’t regret.
As my time as executive editor comes to an end, my future is up in the air, and I am okay with that. I have one more semester before my time at CSUDH is officially over. But the memories I created in my beloved newsroom will remain with me forever, even as I move on to new things and trust, as my professor would say to me, “you will be okay.”